A Professor was traveling by boat.

On his way he asked the sailor :

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology ?

The sailor said no to all his questions.

Professor : What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking.

The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology ?

The professor said no.

Sailor : “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember..

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

3. I don't understand what you mean?

4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

5. ?!?

6. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

7. Am I dreaming? ???????

8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!!

and the best one

10. Who is this?

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is equal to 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then 

H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

L+O+V+E= 12+15+22+5= 54%

L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 =47%

None of them makes 100% Then what makes 100% ???

Is it Money? NO !!!

Leadership? NO !!!

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our

"ATTITUDE".

It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes OUR Life 100% Successful..

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

Teacher : Little Mr.Bean, assuming you were at a bus stop and Terrorist throws a bomb. What will you do ?

Little Mr.Bean : I will stop assuming…..

 

Teacher : What is a verb ?

Little Mr.Bean : A verb is a valve in a bicycle Tyre.

Teacher : What are You saying ?

Little Mr.Bean : Its a complete sentence sir.

Teacher : Are You mad ?

Little Mr.Bean : Its a question sir

Teacher : don't be ...stupid

Little Mr.Bean : Its an advice sir.

Teacher : stop that nonsense!

Little Mr.Bean : Its a command sir.

Teacher : You are an idiot

Little Mr.Bean : Its an insult sir.

Teacher : Get out of my class!

Little Mr.Bean : Its an order sir.

Teacher : Oh goodness!,,,, what a boy!,,,,

Little Mr.Bean : Its an exclamation sir.

Teacher : May God have mercy on You.

Little Mr.Bean : Its a prayer sir …..

the teacher fainted!!

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE... Very Funny.. Must Read..

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying...Go to Hell...

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Smith just got a job as a porter in a five star hotel in Lords.

The manager told him: "...in here we give every customer personalized services and you have to be very observant. so you know how to address their every need even before they ask".

Before the manager could finish, a couple walked through the hotel entrance and the manager quickly approached them, nicely took their baggage and said, "Welcome Mr & Mrs James, it is our delight to have you in our hotel.

Please come this way to the reception" ... and he led them to the reception.

After the couple had been taken care of, Smith asked the manager, "Has the couple been visiting this hotel before?"

"No" came the reply from the manager.

"So how come you knew their name?" asked Smith.

"That is why I told you to be very observant.

All I had to do was quickly look at the label on their baggage while I'm taking it from them and see the name on the tag".

"Oh, here comes another couple. Why don't you give it a try?"

"Ok" said Smith and he hurriedly approached the couple, helped them with their luggage and said, "Welcome Mr & Mrs MADE IN CHINA! We are delighted to have you in our hotel..."

John and Smith were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.

Smith promptly jumped in to save him, she swam to the bottom and pulled John out.

When the medical doctor became aware of Smith's act, he immediately ordered his discharged as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Smith the news, he said : Smith, i have a gud news and bad news, the good news is that you are being discharged, because, since you were able to jump in to a swimming pool and save the life of another patient, i think you have regain your senses. and the bad news is that, Smith, the patient you saved hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom, i am sorry he is dead.

Smith replied,, ,, he did not hang himself, i put him there to dry!,

Read it..Just Awesome..

Once choosing the color of a sketch pen was a tough task.

Occupying the window seat in the school bus was called obsession.

Getting a toffee as a birthday treat from a friend made our day.

Being the first one to finish copying from the blackboard was the ultimate moment of pride.

Hiding the answers from a bench partner during exams was not called selfishness.

When homework was the only torture & finished it soon, so could get some extra time to play.

Early to bed, early to rise was life's mantra, but how we loved sleeping late and having some extra TV time!

Owning a cycle was like owning everything.

To look good was only to wear our favorite dress frocks for girls n half pants for boys.

We didn't need Facebook or a phone to keep in touch!

We thought all elders are ideal, when Daddy was the only hero and Mom was the only Best friend."

So what they say is right.

"Everybody dies twice. Once when their childhood ends."